Sunday, December 23 - Sunday is probably one of the loneliest days of the week for my Mom. Growing up, Sunday was spent with my Grandparents usually having a big meal and all of the family time that comes with that. Now that my sister and I have our own families, Sunday can be very lonely for my Mom. I enjoy a long run on Sunday morning. I don't like to be hurried to go to lunch, but prefer to eat much later in the day. Sunday is the day that I finish up laundry, homework, and anything else that needs to be done before the week starts again. I know my sister does much the same. Sometimes we all go down to my Mom's house for lunch, and my Mom often goes over to my sister's house on Sunday. They are both wonderful cooks and enjoy sharing their cooking with others.
Today, my youngest niece volunteered to go to my Mom's to help clean house before we all come for Christmas on Tuesday. The two of them were also going to make Christmas candy. My niece enjoys to cook and she often spends the night at my Mom's house.This is something Payton has enjoyed since she was a very little girl. The two of them share a special bond that I believe none of us can ever understand. It was Payton that was with my Mom when she found her own mother dead from a heart attack, and Payton who waited with my Mom for the coroner to arrive. She was so little; only four, but I know how traumatic moments like this one can stick with a child throughout their lives. It took a half hour to forty-five minutes for my sister and I to get to the house. We were only there for the aftermath.
I was not at Mom's today, but she relayed the story to me later when I called. Mom had not taken the time to put on her wig or makeup; and at some point she showed Payton her head, which is now mostly bald. My Mom said she thinks Payton was scared and that she looked very sad even though she didn't say anything. I know this must have been a shock to her. She is seventeen, a senior in high school, and far from a child now but this is a shock even to my Mom when she looks in the mirror at herself. My Mom felt bad that Payton had seen her this way. She doesn't want the girls to worry or to for feel sad. I asked my Mom to make sure that she did have her wig on when my thirteen year old comes to visit, and to at least give her a chance to prepare before she shows her that all of her hair is now gone.
I'm not sure what the protocol is for this. Just as I'm not sure what the protocol is for a lot of the things that come along with parenthood. Too bad there is not an instruction manual. I know; however, the shock is a great deal for a child or an adult to deal with especially knowing that the hair loss is not voluntary, and that this person is sick and may be suffering themselves. I don't believe there is a "proper" way to act.
My heart goes out to any parent who has to figure out just how to approach this with their child. And to any child who has to deal with hair loss and figure out how to show their friends.
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