The Hospital

Friday, November 23, 2012 - My family had highly been anticipating this day.  This is the day that the doctors would insert a portal cast and begin testing to see just how extensive the cancer was.  My Mom, my sister, her two daughters, and I left our homes at 5:00am  to drive the hour and a half to the hospital.  My mother was scheduled as the second procedure of the day.

Personally, I felt relieved.  I am a "take the bull by the horns" kind of a person.  And being the eternal pessimist, I had thoroughly researched the worst possible scenarios.  I was prepared to face the worst and knew that I would have to have the strength to support those light-weight optimists around me.  It is funny how different people deal with the crisis in their lives. My mom has always viewed me as the fragile one.  I think because I am such an emotional person.  I love with all my heart and also mourn with all of my heart.  There really is no middle ground for me.  However, when push comes to shove, that is where the my heritage and Irish spirit comes out. I am the first to rise to the occasion and at least put on the appearance of strenghth to those who surround me. I had not shed a tear -not yet.  I was the pillar of strength for my own two daughters who had both had emotional breakdowns and shed many many tears over that long week

My mom and I both know that it is my sister who is the rock, optimistic yes, but a problem solver...logical, methodical, and decisive.  My sister; ironically the younger of the two of us, is someone that people "don't want to mess with".  If anyone could handle doctors, nurses, and decisions, it is my sister. She has never really told me what the week was like at her house and I can only imagine that it was very much like mine.  The longest week of our lives.

I believed my sister was in total denial that morning.  She was still under the assumption that everything would turn out fine, and I think she was actually hoping the doctors would tell us it was all some big mistake.  My nieces were quiet consumed by their own thoughts and distracted by their iPhones and iPods.  I had refused to let my own daughters come.  I felt that the waiting would be too much stress.  I also felt the need to shelter them from what I wasn't sure was about to happen.  My mother was quiet and we talked about everything but what was about to happen on the long drive to the city.

The day after a holiday is an interesting one, to say the least, at a hospital.  It seems that the most competent people have the luxury of taking the holiday off, and the people who remain are the "worker bees" who don't seem to know the technical details, but rather are focused on putting in their time and earning their paycheck.  From the moment we entered the hospital, we were faced with obstacles.  People who were not quiet sure of what was to happen, doctor's orders that were temporatily unavailable because the secretary was on vacation, and an oncologist who was vacationing out of the courtry and impossible to reach.  The scheduled 7:00 AM insertion was delayed because of an emergency appendectomy.  Finally sometime after 10:00 AM my Mom finally left the pre-surgery area for her own procedure. Needless to say, our nerves were wracked, our emotions were high, and tempers were being tested.  But deep down, I knew that these good people, who chose to work over this holiday, were just doing the best that they could do to make us comfortable and to assure us.

Our little family headed down to the waiting room.  Hospital waiting rooms are very interesting places indeed.  People, who are facing God only knows what, sit and wait on news - some look relieved, and others are very emotional, their worry lines evident, but all facing a new chapter to their lives.  And, at this time of year, with holiday decorations and Christmas music streaming over the intercom, all seeming not to notice that this was indeed the holiday season for normal people whose lives were not being affected by events that had lead their loved ones to be admitted to a hospital.

My sister and I sat and discussed the what if's as we waited.  We both felt the need to have a plan.

Finally, during the afternoon, the portal cast was inserted and my mom was back to her private room.  We were all ready for the next stage of testing to begin.  All of us were scared, and we all were doing our best to be strong.  There were no tears - not yet...   If there is one thing the women in my life know, it is how to be strong.  We have faced many challenges throughout our lives, always together, always with the support of other women, and always with strength and courage.

As the day came to a close that evening, we said good-bye to our Mother (Grandmother).  We had a long drive back home.  My sister would return the following day to pick my mom up.  There would be no results from the testing - not yet.  I would be designated to miss work the following week to hear verdicts, gather as much information as I could, and to begin the chemotherapy.