Tuesday, January 16 - Mom was able to take her sixth chemotherapy treatment today. This is the half-way point and a milestone that we have been looking forward to. She has been able to take the last three treatments in a row. Her blood levels have tested good every time. The tissue has shrunk considerably and the oncologist says my Mom's cancer is reacting remarkably to the treatment.
My Mom has driven herself to each of these treatments. Afterward, she has even felt well enough to go to the local Walmart shopping and then has taken herself out to eat at the local Subway before driving herself home again. The strength my Mom exhibits every day amazes me. When she is tired and feels so weak that she can barely stand, she forces herself up. When she rises and is so dizzy she if afraid she will fall, she stands still until it passes. My Mom deals with all of the humiliating side effects of the chemotherapy treatments like hair loss and loss of bladder control by laughing at herself. She is so powerful.
I, on the other hand, am not battling for my life. I do not have cancer. I am healthy. I have a home, two beautiful daughters, and a job that I love. And yet; I am near tears at any given moment every day. I cannot bear to think about eating out by myself let alone growing old alone. At times I feel as though I am dying from a "broken heart". I find this self loathing pathetic! Lying awake each night replaying my life and thinking about all of the things I failed to do, should have done, and didn't do right.
Cancer has brought my family closer together. I call my Mom every day now. Her optimism picks me up. It brightens my spirit. I draw power from my Mom. Carefully, so as not to let her see my weakness. As a teacher, one of the "truths" I have come to believe is that..."The apple never falls far from the tree". I believe this; however, I know that my sister landed closer to the trunk. I can only hope that I am in the shadow of my Mother's branches.
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